So I started a new small discipleship group with a few kids from our Children's program in Onakapak today. It went really well. I am super impressed with those kids, in so many ways. Anyway, in order to prepare for our time together, I actually did the lesson yesterday with my "amiga" whose helping me. I think that was one of the most beneficial decisions I have ever made. Not only did it prepare our hearts, but it also gave the kids a way to connect with us, when they realized we are all pretty much doing this together.
One of the things that came out of my study with my "amiga" was that I want to work on being less critical of people and situations. I don't do it on purpose but I tend to grab hold of the speck in other peoples eyes while ignoring the plank in my own eye. And maybe that's just human nature, but in a lot of ways it's hard from me to move away from that train of thought once it's started.
Today I kept being confronted with moments where I literally had to mentally stop myself and choose to not give into the attitude I wanted to have. Not only that but as much as there were things I wanted to complain about, or at least voice because they bothered me, I kept trying to stop myself in my tracks and to make the conscious decision not to give into bellyaching.
Can I be honest though? It was/is hard and in some ways, while I think it's better not to complain and criticizes, I felt like stopping myself from doing so means that I can't voice how I'm feeling....and feeling like I can't voice what's going on inside of me, sends me down a very lonely (some what unhealthy) slippery slope. So that leaves me to wonder, where's the line? At what point do we cross over from complaining to venting? From a critical spirit, to a spirit that just has to voice it's opinion in order to process things? Does any of that honor God? Is it sin to give into any of it? These are the things running through my head tonight... but after my 12 hour work day, I'm too tired to figure out the answers. So let me know what you think, and maybe we can learn and grow together!