Our Words have Power, Speak Truth over Yourself

  A few days ago I was sitting down drinking my morning coffee and browsing through Youtube when I came across an old Kristina Kuzmic video.  Now if you don't know who Kristina Kuzmic is, she's the lady who does all the funny truth bomb videos that sometimes pop up on your Facebook feed...and if you don't have facebook anymore (since apparently that's not cool anymore...per my teenage niece) well, you've probably seen her videos somewhere else (like Youtube!).  Anyway, in this particular video she invites a few women into her home, meeting with them one at a time, and discussing with each of them the harsh things we all say to ourselves.  The women share things like, "I feel like I am a bad mother" or "I am such a slob", all while admitting they really don't have a basis for saying these things to themselves and that they would never say such things to other people in their lives (meaning they wouldn't call other people "bad mom's" or "slobs").  Then she hands them each a picture of themselves as a child and asks if they would say those same things to the little girl looking back at them.  One by one the women have this realization that they wouldn't talk to the little girl in the picture the way they talk to themselves, and yet that little girl still lives inside them.  It's really powerful to watch (you can see it here).
  As I finished the video, I couldn't help but start thinking about all the harsh things I say about and to myself.  Not only that, but also how much I actually believe what I am saying to myself even though I have no proof to back it up.  For example, I tend to reprimand myself with the phrase, "You're so stupid" or "You're such an idiot."  I have said things like that to myself since I was little even though I have never failed any course and I seem to be able to hold intellectual conversations with most people.  Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of academic struggles and misunderstandings in life, but I have never had a real reason to believe that I am stupid.  Yet I believed I was..and so it was easy to call myself out for being so when I felt frustrated.  It actually took me until this year when I graduated with my degree with a 4.0 GPA that I even began to challenge this idea of being stupid and began to think that maybe I actually am smart.  It seems every day I seem to let go a little of this lie and hold onto the truth a little bit more. But the truth... it takes work... I have to put in the effort of constantly reminding myself of the truth and to look at the body of evidence available to me to believe the truth. And I think the same thing goes for every lie we believe.
  In fact, at the beginning of this year I started attending my very first community group and one thing the leaders talked about a lot was replacing the lies we believe with the truth of God's word.  At first, I kind of thought this was a bogus concept...repeating Bible verses to yourself seemed nothing more than a Stuart Smalley Daily Affirmation Sketch (not that I've ever actually watched Saturday Night Live, except on Youtube).  Anyway, it wasn't until recently when I actually decided to just try it for myself.  I had been struggling with some pretty serious anxiety and literally was fearing getting out of bed some mornings when two bible verses popped into my head.  The first was "For God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7).  And the second was, "The peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7).  At first, I just started repeating those words to myself, then I started praying them...as if to remind God and myself of His promises.  I've done this for weeks now, and you know what?  I didn't notice it right away, but my anxiety has started to fade.  That's not to say that now I am cured...cause I don't think God has worked it like that.  Instead, in those moments when I feel anxiety welling up inside of me, I feel like I have this tool to take me to Jesus and let him calm my spirit.  And when I do, things get better.  Its like, in those moments, the lies that tell me I am always going to be anxious, and I have so many things to fear in life, are overcome by the truth... the truth that this is not the way I was created, that in Christ I have the power and the ability to overcome anything that comes my way, and that His peace guards me in all things. 
   Now, I don't want you to think like I did, that this is all some sort of hocus pocus.... like if you just say the right words at the right time for a specific amount of days then magically things change.  It's not like that.  This is actually something much deeper and so much bigger.  This is God setting the record straight.  This is allowing God to take back what the enemy has tried to steal from us!  Truth...specifically the Truth of God, can set us all free...and no matter what you struggle with, no matter what lies you believe, there's a promise of God for you!  All you need to do is remind yourself of His truth and allow the power of the Word of God transform you and your life!  So maybe for you, it's looking at the video I referenced above and considering what harsh lies you tell yourself.  And then maybe it means cracking open God's word and allowing Him to show you the truth.  There's a little girl (or in case your a male reading this...boy) inside of all of us and she (he) deserves to hear the truth!  Discover it and speak it over yourself!

Mary, Jesus, His Brothers, and Me...

  The other night I was driving to my sister's house listening to Christmas music (cause HELLO Christmas is a week away!) and the song "Mary Did You Know?" by Pentatonix came on.  Now this is one of those classic Christmas songs that you listen to every year, so I probably shouldn't have been so taken aback by it, but I think for the first time I actually really listened to the lyrics and to say they spoke to me would probably be an understatement.  If you don't know the song (where have you been?!?!  Just kidding!), it's basically all these questions asked to Mary the mother of Jesus and each one declares all that Jesus was and would do in this world.  Things like walking on water, healing a blind man, saving the world are just a few of the things the song mentions.  But one line in particular really caught my attention.  It's not actually a question, it's a statement...one of the few out right things the song declares.  After starting off asking Mary if she knew her son was from heaven, the song simply states, "when you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God"!  What a powerful visual of such a holy moment!  Can you imagine being Mary as a young woman, newly married and holding baby Jesus... literally the Son of God... in her hands!  What an astounding moment that must have been and what amazing opportunities she must have experienced in being Jesus' mother.  I can't even fathom it!

  Then this morning, I was sitting and reading the Gospel of Mark where it talks about Jesus's mother and brothers coming to see Him while He is out preaching in an over crowded house.   As the story goes, his family basically thinks Jesus is out of his mind, and they have come to talk Him out of carrying on this nonsense.  The story is just a sentence or two but reading it I couldn't help but think "how did Mary get from the place of being visited by angels and told she would be the mother of the savior of the world, to the place of questioning what Jesus was even doing proclaiming to be the Son of God?".  At first, I didn't seem to get it...why the change of heart?  Was it the power of a group of her children complaining about their "brother" that got her to join in and want to call Jesus out?  Did she just go along because she couldn't talk to her other sons out of trying to confront Jesus?  What was the deal?!

  Then I started thinking about my own life and how I've literally had all these holy moments with God over the years myself ...moments where He's been more real to me than even my best friend... but as those moments have gotten further and further behind me I have often started to forget and doubt the God in them.  Then suddenly I understood what might have happened to Mary.  Sure she "kept all these things in her heart" about who Jesus was and what the angel had declared, but were they also on her mind.  As Jesus grew and these moments got further and further behind her, I could imagine it must have been hard to hold onto them and the holiness of all she had been through.  And in the midst of the ordinariness of life, the extraordinary nature of Jesus might have just gotten lost for her.  Plus, Jesus didn't exactly do what people expected so maybe when Jesus started His ministry it wasn't what Mary thought the angel had meant and it threw her for a loop.

  I guess there's really know way to really tell what Mary was thinking or feeling at that moment, in fact, I might be so far off in my understanding and ideas of these Biblical stories... but none the less, my thought process has reminded me of the importance of keeping these holy moments with God at the forefront of my mind.  Jesus is real and God has shown Himself strong to me throughout my life. And just like Jesus's brothers may have felt Jesus was out of His mind, there will be people in my life who doubt who Jesus is and will want to convince me that God is not real. However, like Mary, I have experienced God in miraculous ways, and I need to learn from her life never to forget who He is to me.  Not only that but I should also never let the ordinariness of life strip away the miracle of having a relationship with God....no matter how distant my last "holy moment" with Him may feel. 

Can I get a Hug?!...

     When I am first getting to know people, one thing I am often quick to share with them right from the get-go is that I am not a hugger, in fact, I am not big on physical touch at all.   At least that's what I always tell people.  The truth is though, over recent months it has become quite obvious to me that this is, in fact, a lie.  I actually don't mind hugs and cuddles at all. In fact, I might actually even really like them.  But the thing is if you tell yourself something long enough you eventually start to believe it.  And I think that is exactly what happened when it came to me feeling like a non-hugger. 
     Now, I didn't grow up in a family that did a whole lot of hugging or cuddling.  And as a teenager, I had a few regrettable experiences with physical touch that made me less than open to the idea of anything physical.  So by the time I reached my twenties I had already determined that I did not like hugs and I did not want anyone in my personal space. While I don't think there was a definitive moment I decided to start telling people my disapproval of hugs and physical contact,  I do know that once I started telling people not to hug me, they listened....for the most part.  When I came into my late twenties and early thirties I was pretty much set in my ways.  People hadn't really hugged me all that much over the years, and I had actually grown accustomed it.  So when I started spending more of my time in Christian circles and hugs seemed to be something everyone wanted to hand out, my body revolted, often leaving me stiff as a board with others feeling like they had just hugged a tree!
     Then this past school year God felt it only natural to fill my classroom with students who like nothing more than to curl up on my lap, rub my legs and arms, or...you guess it...give me hugs.  Not only that, but my little munchkin class is constantly asking me to give them hugs, saying that my hugs are the best because I am like a big ole bear (uh, thanks....I think).  Anyway, a few months ago I was having a bit of a rough time with life.  It felt like everything was going wrong and I just wanted to give up on trying to make things work.  I remember siting in my car crying and thinking, "I just need a hug!".  Say what??!?  Since when do I want hugs?!  It was like the thought escaped before I could stop it, but once it was was out there I knew I couldn't deny the truth.  A hug was just what I needed and exactly what I wanted.  The truth was out...at least to myself.
     This past Saturday, my friend Alicia Yost's first book came out.  It's called "OnWard: A Funny, Heartbreaking and Insightful Collection of Faith Lessons"  (it's available on Amazon so check it out!) and in one of the chapters she speaks about this very topic.  My words could never do her words justice, but as I read that chapter about "Healing Hugs," I felt this tug in my heart drawing me deeper into my realization that my dislike of hugs is a figment of my imagination and should be left in the past.  Like Alicia shared about herself in her book, I also don't think my propensity to become like a stiff board when someone hugs me will disappear immediately, but I am ready to work through that.  Something tells me that there's plenty of people in my life ready and willing to help me out with some exposure therapy and since practice makes perfect, I think I am heading in the right direction!

Seeds and the Gardener...

     It's funny how certain things stick with you over the years.  For example, at the end of my first year as a missionary, our team had a retreat where a guest speaker came and talked to us for three days.  On the first night he was speaking, he shared about seeds, and how when a seed is planted it is covered with dirt, stepped on, and often forgot about for long periods.  Now, while the gardener is most likely still watering the ground the seed is in, and the sun is still offering it its rays, the seed doesn't know this.  In fact the seed often feels abandoned, alone, forgetten.  Then one day the seed starts to pop out of the earth, as it grows into whatever plant or tree it was meant to be.  It's then that the seed realizes that it was necessary for it to be in the dirt, but it was never forgotten about, and there was always a plan and a purpose for it.  His words were meant to encourage those of us who were feeling deserted and rejected by God and others.  I honestly have not thought about that sermon in years.  But then today I was sitting in church, and our pastor was talking about how in the verse Isaiah 54:3 the word used for offspring or descendants actually means seed.  All of a sudden it was like I was sitting back in Ecuador listening to that guess speaker remind me about seeds and dirt and the process of growth.

     When I think over the course of my life, there are a lot of seeds that I have tried to plant for the kingdom of God, but if I am honest, I haven't really seen much fruit.  In fact, if I was truly vulnerable, I often think of the people I have tried to invest in and walk beside for a time, and I wonder if they feel abandoned and forgotten by me.  See I am really good at dropping seeds in the ground, but not so good at being a gardener and cultivating those seeds long term.  I have allowed God to lead me into multiple and various types of ministries, but the second things have gotten too hard for me to deal with, I have abandoned ship and bolted, leaving a trail of unkept gardens behind me.

     Thankfully, God is more faithful than me, and He cares about all his children in a way that surpasses any efforts I could try to humanly conjure up.  As I sat working on my computer this afternoon, I just kept thinking about all those seeds I have left in the dirt, and then, like a salve to a burn, God reminded me of a little portion of scripture in 1 Corinthians 3, where Paul states "One plants. Another waters. But it's God who brings the increase" (verse 6).  I can worry all I want about the mistakes I have made and the lack of fruit I feel like I have produced in my life but in reality none of that matters.  At least not in the way I have been looking at it.  I am not building my own kingdom, I am planting to build the kingdom of God, and it is God who will ultimately produce the fruit.  My job is to be faithful to Him, and in doing so, I can trust that even when I feel like I've left seeds unattended and uncared for, He's the one who will ultimately bring those plants to fruition.  I may still need to repent about a few things and let go of a few others, but there is so much comfort in knowing none of those seeds I tried to plant in God's name were placed in vain.  God is faithful, and He will finish the work He began when I took steps to place those seeds in the ground.  People are never abandoned or forgotten in His eyes, and He has a purpose in everything!