Keep pushing forward...

  This school year did not start off as I expected.  When the new year began in September, we did not have enough enrollment in our preschool to sustain 2 teachers in my classroom and so my co-teacher, and I began a job share that left each of us in the classroom alone at different shifts for several months.  In December, we finally got to the point in our school year when the enrollment numbers have come in, and we can be back together, and unfortunately, my co-teacher needed to take an indefinite leave of absence.  As if losing such a great co-teacher wasn't hard enough, it came at a time where we added new students to our class, and one of our previous students began to severally struggle with some behavior issues.  To say that the past month has been stressful would be the understatement of the year!
  However, in the midst of the everyday struggles, there has been one thought that has kept me going and helped me to approach each new day with hope and a sense of perseverance.  That thought is the knowledge that God never once gives up on me!  I am not the most compliant follower of Jesus Christ.  I wish I were.  I am working to become more obedient, but honestly, in many ways, I still act like a child who thinks she knows what is best for her life and gets mad when God tries to tell me to do something other than what I think is best.  Like my student who is struggling, I can throw amazingly large tantrums in front of God.  I can throw things and spit in his face and basically show no remorse for my actions. Then when things start to fall apart, I will have the audacity to blame God for the trouble I find myself in. I know my behavior is ridiculous.  I want to stop myself.  And yet time and time again, this is exactly how I find myself acting.
  The amazing thing is though, that even though I can't seem to pull myself out of this vicious cycle, God NEVER gives up on me.  He keeps persuing me and drawing me to himself.  When I push him away, He is patient.  When I throw a tantrum, He tells me to bring those big feelings to Him because He can take it.  And when I start pushing everyone else away and should be bringing God to the end of His rope, He just holds on longer and seeks new ways to bring me back to Him!  It makes absolutely no sense why He would love me so, but I guess genuine love like that... it isn't logical!
  Now if God can love me like that, well then He must also love those I work with and the children and families in my care in the same way!  And if He has placed me in the position to be the teacher and the leader in our room at this time, then He must have also empowered me to have the same Never Give Up attitude that He has.  So, while the days might not be easy, and while I might feel like each moment is a chess match that I am just one move away from losing.  I can keep pushing forward because God is with me and the same power at lives in Him, is in me!  The Bible puts its best when it says in Philippians 4: 13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"!  I thank God for never giving up on me, and I thank Him for showing me that  I can choose to never give up on others too!  It's not easy to love like this, but in the end I think God has shown us that it is always worth it!  So each day I wake up, and I keep moving forward knowing that eventually love...in particular the love of God... changes everything!

Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019.

  Someone much wiser than me once said, “The days are long, but the years are short.”  And apparently, they knew exactly what they were talking about.  However, I also think what the quote fails to say but should include is that in those long days things will often seem so hard and you may feel like you are never making any progress, but the years will tell you otherwise.  As I look back over 2018, at first, it seems like it was such a hard year.  So often I felt like I was struggling and like things were never quite working out. Many times I felt like I was taking two steps forward and three steps back.  And I can’t even tell you how many moments I just wanted to give up and throw in the towel with so many things.  Yet, when I look deeper, there are so many great things that happened as well.  In 2018 we celebrated my parents 50^th wedding anniversary, I got a new job, I graduated with my degree, my relationship with God got back on track, and I even got a new car.  And when I consider all this, I realize that 2018 actually was a pretty great year and I was completely blessed even in the midst of the valleys!  For that I am thankful.

  Looking forward to 2019 I have no idea what to expect.  Last year did not end how I had planned in many ways, so that makes me both nervous and excited for the next 365 days.  I did not make any new year resolutions for this new year either (for probably the first time in a while), but for the first time in maybe ever I feel like I have a word for the coming year…and by word, I literally mean a single word.  A few weeks ago, I began praying for this new year and asking God to give me some encouragement that would last me the whole year through.  I wasn’t sure what exactly I was hoping to hear from God, but the word “steadfast” kept coming up.  Now honestly, steadfast isn’t a word that I usually use in my everyday conversations and so I had to look up what it means.  I found out that the literal definition is resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.  And the common synonyms are things like devoted, solid, constant, dependable, and true.  And somehow I just knew, while not what I expected when I asked God to give me an encouraging word, this was exactly it!

  Now I can’t honestly say I know what it means that 2019 feels like it will be defined by the word “steadfast.”  Maybe it means that God will show Himself steadfast in my life or maybe God is calling me and reminding me to stay steadfast in my journey of life.  I really don’t know.  But there’s something about going into a new year with this word at the foundation that makes me feel full of hope and ready for whatever the year holds.  So, what about you?  What word (or words) are you holding onto in this new year?