This school year did not start off as I expected. When the new year began in September, we did not have enough enrollment in our preschool to sustain 2 teachers in my classroom and so my co-teacher, and I began a job share that left each of us in the classroom alone at different shifts for several months. In December, we finally got to the point in our school year when the enrollment numbers have come in, and we can be back together, and unfortunately, my co-teacher needed to take an indefinite leave of absence. As if losing such a great co-teacher wasn't hard enough, it came at a time where we added new students to our class, and one of our previous students began to severally struggle with some behavior issues. To say that the past month has been stressful would be the understatement of the year!
However, in the midst of the everyday struggles, there has been one thought that has kept me going and helped me to approach each new day with hope and a sense of perseverance. That thought is the knowledge that God never once gives up on me! I am not the most compliant follower of Jesus Christ. I wish I were. I am working to become more obedient, but honestly, in many ways, I still act like a child who thinks she knows what is best for her life and gets mad when God tries to tell me to do something other than what I think is best. Like my student who is struggling, I can throw amazingly large tantrums in front of God. I can throw things and spit in his face and basically show no remorse for my actions. Then when things start to fall apart, I will have the audacity to blame God for the trouble I find myself in. I know my behavior is ridiculous. I want to stop myself. And yet time and time again, this is exactly how I find myself acting.
The amazing thing is though, that even though I can't seem to pull myself out of this vicious cycle, God NEVER gives up on me. He keeps persuing me and drawing me to himself. When I push him away, He is patient. When I throw a tantrum, He tells me to bring those big feelings to Him because He can take it. And when I start pushing everyone else away and should be bringing God to the end of His rope, He just holds on longer and seeks new ways to bring me back to Him! It makes absolutely no sense why He would love me so, but I guess genuine love like that... it isn't logical!
Now if God can love me like that, well then He must also love those I work with and the children and families in my care in the same way! And if He has placed me in the position to be the teacher and the leader in our room at this time, then He must have also empowered me to have the same Never Give Up attitude that He has. So, while the days might not be easy, and while I might feel like each moment is a chess match that I am just one move away from losing. I can keep pushing forward because God is with me and the same power at lives in Him, is in me! The Bible puts its best when it says in Philippians 4: 13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"! I thank God for never giving up on me, and I thank Him for showing me that I can choose to never give up on others too! It's not easy to love like this, but in the end I think God has shown us that it is always worth it! So each day I wake up, and I keep moving forward knowing that eventually love...in particular the love of God... changes everything!
No comments:
Post a Comment