Today I have been hustling....like really hustling....like emailing and responding to more emails than I probably have since I first applied to be a missionary. I feel accomplished! And yet with every two steps forward, there seems to be one step back, for every "yes, I'll support you", there seems to be another, "No, I'm not too sure about this", and for every open door, there seems to be another one closing. But I won't be diswayed because the truth is, nothing good in life ever comes without you putting in the work. Plus if I gave up every time things didn't go my way...well then I might as well never get out of bed in the morning!
I have to admit though that yesterday I was humming a different tune. I woke up super excited to reach out to a few people about starting a sidewalk Sunday school program, and when those connections fell apart, I honestly felt like I had run head first into a wall and just wanted to lay on the floor wallowing in my concussion. I just felt like I wasn't getting anywhere and that if this was really a God thing I shouldn't have to work so hard (HA! That's funny!). So I complained and got all depressed and then I did what any self-respecting (or maybe God honoring) Christian would do...I prayed. If there's anything about my relationship with God that I can be proud of, it's how honest I feel like I can be with Him. And so, I laid in my bed last night and poured out my frustrations and misunderstandings and wonderings to God. Then I gave it all to Him and went to bed.
Like I said, today, I've been hustling....I woke up with a completely different attitude and all these ideas to try to get the ball rolling again. I contacted so many people today to try and get more information about starting a ministry like this and how different organizations run their programs. And the truth is, it's not like the floodgates of heaven have flown open and I've been showered with opportunity today. But I have made a few connections...and more importantly I found HOPE.
I don't know how all of this is going to work out... or even if it will. It's just a dream God gave me long ago that He's put back on my heart and told me to step into. So I am....one step at a time. Who knows where this will lead... I've learned not to hold on to tightly to my ideas anyway. I am just glad to see that even when the going gets "tough" God still nudges me to keep going....and that's exactly what I am going to do! Pray for me!