Resting in the Wrestling....

  I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe that God connects us more closely to Himself in the midst of our prayer times and that the type of intimacy prayer gives only comes through that type of communion with him.  I think it pleases the Father when we come to Him and pour out our heart to Him and ask of Him.  I think God longs to hear our prayers and to meet with us in them.  I believe all THESE things are true...

  I also believe that God is all knowing and all powerful.  I believe He knows the beginning from the end and that even though He gives us free will, He already knows what we are going to do.  I believe God know every finite detail about me and my life...and you and your life.  I believe He knows all that's going to happen in this world as well, and that nothing takes Him by surprise.  I believe all THESE things to be true....

  But somewhere in the middle, where these two things collide, I get confused.  And maybe the truth of the matter is I'm suppose to be confused because if I could figure it all out then what would be the point of having God...since in fact I would basically be God.  Then again, God is not the author of confusion, so I'm not so sure he wants His children left in a state of confusion.. 

  Last night I couldn't sleep so I decided to read (darn you month of you-tube tv show fasting...that usually puts me right back to sleep!).  I'm reading through a few books at the moment...."Barefoot Church" by Brandon Hatmaker, "Overrated" By Eugene Cho, and "Chasing God" by Angie Smith....the later of which I chose to pick up.

  Angie Smith is, in my opinion, and amazing woman of God who writes so down to earth that often times I feel like by picking up one of her books I am actually choosing to sit down to talk with a good friend.  I don't know her, but I love her!  So, it seemed to make perfect sense that I would pick up her book to keep me company in the middle of the night.  Maybe it's the chapter I'm reading, mixed with where I am at in life, mixed with being half asleep and exhausted, but this was certainly the wrong choice and ended up only playing into the confusion I wrote about above.

  Now in all fairness, Ang (like how I did that there...addressed her like my good friend who lives down the street!  Sorry Angie Smith, if I've overstepped my bounds) is not saying that prayer is bad or that we shouldn't bother praying or anything like that.  In fact she goes to great lengths to share exactly why she thinks prayer is important, and powerful and God ordained.  It's just the questions she brings up....questions I have had before about prayer...that have lingered and were not quite cleared up for me (although in all honesty I have yet to finish the chapter).

  The book calls these confusions "gray areas"...in other books they are considered "doubts" or 'struggles"....and I don't think they are wrong or bad.  Actually in my track record of faith, it's usually in trying to figure out theses things that  I am drawn deeper to God and into my relationship with Him.  So for now I sit in the wrestling...and continue praying...and continue trusting....knowing that one day it will all be clear (either here or in eternity).  But boy it's not fun living in my brain!