The other day, in one of our team prayer times, one of my teammates mentioned that he had been struggling and he had finally figured out why. Basically, he said he realized he hadn't been giving God full control...as so many of us often struggle to do. But the best part was that after sharing this with us he said, "It's okay though, because I came up with a ten point plan on how to give back control to God"! Honestly the whole thing made me laugh out loud (literally!) because what he was actually saying was that he had figured out a way to control how God controls! That's pretty hilarious...but honestly isn't that how we all act sometimes?!?!
Okay, so the truth is I can't really talk for anyone else, so I'll just talk for me! I may not have a ten point plan to control God (although it's a tempting concept sometimes), but I certainly do still try to control God in other ways. For example, I have an ever increasing list of things that I now refuse to pray, because I know if I pray them then God will answer!
For example, I decided months and months ago to NEVER, Ever pray for God to give me patience! I have heard the stories from one of my Guayaquil teammates of how God answered her when she began to pray for this and I just know, no matter how much I may need to be a more patient person, just asking God to move this way would mean opening the door to every long line, interruption and time lagging thing that could come my way! So I added that to my list of "Caution: Pray at your Own Risk" prayers!
Then a few weeks ago, I actually started praying for God to teach me how to love like he does...you know in that "I'll never stop no matter how much you push me away" and "Even if I have to wade into your muddy mess to reach you, I will" kind of way. All of a sudden it seemed like some of the hardest people to love were making their way back into my life or the people who were already there, were starting to do some really annoying things. I automatically traced this back to my prayer to love better, and decide that maybe I'm okay loving the way I do!
Now to be honest, I'm being a little facetious here. I really do want to be a more patient person, and to learn to love people in the unconditional way that God seems to, but these are really hard prayers to say...because the answers hurt. These are the kinds of things that God wants to work in me and is completely overjoyed to answer, but they come at a cost....to me, and my comfort, and my pride.
The truth of the matter is God can do any of this in me without or without my prayers. He's not waiting around hoping that some day I'll get up the courage to begin praying them again. But my thinking that it's my asking for Him to do this in my life is what makes Him move, is really just my own way of trying to control Him. Like some how I can bind up His hands by my lack of praying these things!
Basically, I am saying that I think I can open and close the doors to what God can and cannot do in my life based on how I pray. But God is and always has been bigger than what I imagine Him to be and even if I don't recognize it, He truly is the one in control, not me! So maybe I'm not quite ready to ask God for some of my blacklisted prayers yet, but I don't really think this will stop Him. I can pretend I'm in control all I want...but in the end God knows the truth (and so do I)!
No comments:
Post a Comment