The Struggle...

  So I haven’t shared a lot on this blog about my weight loss journey.  When I first started blogging several years ago, that was basically all I blogged about.  Then slowly it switched to something more about my spiritual journey.  And now on this blog, I often times find I struggle to even write because I don’t want to write for an audience (filtering what I do and don’t say), and yet I do.

   I guess that’s why I haven’t really shared much about weight loss on here.  It’s a hard thing to admit that you are overweight….even if everyone around you (or anyone who knows you) can obviously tell.  It’s even harder to admit your weight struggles when you’ve been a “success” story in the past.  Somehow telling the world that you have a problem after blogging about how you’ve overcome said problem, feels a bit like admitting you’re a failure.  But the truth is that I am not a failure.  I may have put weight back on…but…the fact that I am working it all off again speaks way more volumes about the person I am becoming than the person I use to be.  I am not a failure, I am human.  And in all actuality, the fact that I haven’t given up on the struggle, makes me a fighter.  

  Anyway, in January I made the choice that this would be the year that I work through my weight issues and once and for all work off the weight.  I made that decision because I know there are so many things that God is leading me to do or calling me out into, but I am too scared to do said things because of my weight.  I basically feel like if I were to try to step out into these things at my current weight I would automatically fail because either others would judge me for being overweight or I would feel to insecure about my weight to really go for it and put myself out there where everyone can see me! Plus if my body is the “temple” of God, what am I saying about my relationship with Him by not taking care of myself?!?!

   However, I would be lying if I tried to say this was just a spiritual choice.  It’s also a health thing too.  Obesity runs in my family, along with a host of other diseases, and if I don’t care for my body then I am risking years of my life and tempting fate in getting any or all of these issues.  Plus, who doesn’t want to feel and look good?!?!  I will humbly admit that I do!

  So basically for the past  six weeks I’ve been working on eating healthier and working out consistently and dealing with some of the emotional reasons behind my weight.  I’ve even lost 24lbs!  I feel like I am finally getting back to that confident, strong girl I use to be and I am really excited about it!  But I’m still nowhere near what is considered a “healthy” range for my body type.  And even though I am celebrating every victory along the way, I know that this is only the beginning for me.  This will probably be a life long struggle for me but it’s one that I’m not ashamed to focus on anymore.  And even though this is a hard road and often times lonely, I know that what I am doing is honoring to God and myself, so I keep pressing forward and I will keep fighting.  So here's to becoming a healthier me!