Over the weekend I was kind of a Jerk to one of my friends. I was annoyed and frustrated with a few things and instead of just talking to her about it, I sort of just gave her the cold shoulder. Then, because I am so "holy and righteous", I spent all weekend trying to justify my behavior even though I felt the conviction of God telling me that no matter how I am feeling, that's no way to treat a friend, teammate or sister-in-Christ.
So I made plans in my heart that today I would apologize to her, which I did...even though I don't think I was all that clear and seemed to point to my frustration instead of just focusing on why I was wrong. Anyway, before I apologized though, I spent most of the morning trying to get out of it some how. I was truly just considering not saying anything and hoping that by pushing it under the rug, it would be done and over with. However, we serve a God who wants better for me and for His children. So as I sat there washing dishes, trying to justify not doing the right thing a second time, I felt like God said to me, "You can choose to BE a person of integrity or just someone who talks about it, the choice is yours"...and I knew right then and there what I had to do.
Like I said my apology didn't go as smoothly as I hoped. I'm more of an avoider than I am someone who takes initiative to ask for forgiveness, and thus it's something I obviously still need to work on. But the truth is, this is exactly how the body of Christ should work. We work together and when we hurt one another, which we will cause we're human, we need to own up to it, ask for forgiveness and talk it out. I think it's one of the biggest schemes of the Devil to get Christians to stop talking to one another, once we've been hurt or hurt...or we start becoming less real. I don't want that in my relationships, so...even though it's hard and I completely suck at it....I'm learning to BE that person of integrity I want to be...to own up to my mistakes...to apologize...and to grow from it. Now if I could only learn not to beat myself up so much over it! But that's for a different post!
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