I grew up in the church and because of that there are certain bible stories... a lot of them in fact... that I have heard over and over again, to the point that I can share them almost verbatim (although I couldn't tell you what book of the bible of verses I am quoting). The sad thing about that is, that while I have always had the word of God in me, I haven't always cared to understand it and I haven't always allowed it to speak to me and show me truth.... I have lacked the desire to allow the Bible to be the living, breathing, double edged sword that it is. In recent years though that has started to change a bit....and in recent months... well I have found more comfort in its pages then I can even comprehend.
One thing about the Bible that has really stood out to me lately is just how....human.... the disciples were. I mean, most of my life I've looked at these 12 guys Jesus chose and it's like I've assumed there was something so special about them that drew Jesus to them...that they couldn't just be ordinary fools like the rest of us, just trying to figure this life out. But...in reality... they were. And they show it all the time. Think about it...
One disciple in particular who gets a really bad rap is Thomas...doubting Thomas.... everyone picks on him as if we all wouldn't be at least thinking the same things he says if we were in his same position! We all know the story about how Thomas was the one that said unless he put his hands in Jesus side and touched the holes in Jesus's hands then he couldn't believe that Jesus had resurrected (even though Jesus had told his disciples time and time again that this would happen). We all rag on him for this, even though Jesus didn't. In fact, when Jesus appears to the disciples again He tells Thomas to do the very thing he said he needed to do to believe.... to put his hands on His side and in His hands. Jesus met Thomas where he was at...and in doing so he shows us all it's okay to have doubts.
But there's another story in the Bible about Thomas that I love even more... A story that I think shows how we all (of at least I) can be a Thomas a times. It's a story that shows the side of Thomas that like me tries to figure everything out in his head before giving his heart to it. The story is in John 14. Jesus is sitting with his disciples, once again telling them about His soon departure, and He says to them that He is going to His father's house to prepare a place for them so that one days they can be with Him for all eternity. Then Jesus concludes His statements by saying "you know the way to where I am going"...
Now, I imagine all the disciples sitting around...having no clue what Jesus is talking about, yet nodding their heads as if if to say "Yes Lord, that's so deep". Thomas though...he doesn't nod his head. In my minds eye I see him sitting there with a scowl on his face, racking his brain trying to put all the pieces together to make sense of what Jesus is saying. Yet...he can't...and its all so overwhelming...so he finally blurts out what I am sure so many of the other disciples were thinking, but were too embarrassed to say... he shouts in exasperation... "Lord we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?!?!" (John 14:5, NIV). And Jesus again responds to him with love... saying "I AM the WAY".
You see Thomas was a guy who needed to understand, to get it it, to have a road map. I imagine in many ways he was like me and felt like knowing all the details would give him a sense of control....like if you know what to expect you can somehow handle it all better. I think Jesus knew that about Thomas long before he even called him. And I think Jesus called him because he knew there would be people in the world just like him, who had questions and doubts and didn't understand...but wanted to...and needed to. And just like Jesus loved Thomas enough to respond to him in love, I think Jesus responds to each of us in love. And that's why Thomas's story is in the Bible. Thomas was real about his lack of understanding and his doubts... he wasn't afraid to share them with Jesus either. He spoke his true self and received God's love in return.
In Thomas I find a friend...and comfort... and the ability to also ask Jesus questions knowing that even in showing Him my doubts and lack of understand He will always love me. I think without the story of Thomas in the Bible, I would still be wondering if God can handle my questions. But through his story I see the truth... that God can handle our questions...our doubts... our lack of understanding, and he loves us through all of it. Thank you Thomas!
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