I’ve always been a
Highly Sensitive Person, and while it makes me unique (as only about 20% of the
population is as such), I’ve often struggled with the implications of it in my
life. Growing up my sisters (and
sometimes my parents) would get annoyed because of how hurt I would get by what
they saw as “the simplest things”. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve
been made to feel even worse about myself by people who tell me I just need to
“toughen up” of “Have thicker skin”. And
while I’ve become quite good at acting the part and pretending to be unaffected
by things as I’ve grown older, sometimes my heart just wants to bust from all
the stuff I end up having to hold inside.
The thing is though that even
though the world (in general) doesn’t seem to appreciate this specific
characteristic, I think it’s something that God does appreciate….and it’s
something He puts in some of us because He can use it.
I’ll be honest, one
of my least favorite things to be described as is “sweet” (I’m NOT candy!), but
I think the reason most people tend to call me that is because they sense the
part of me that can really empathize with them and what they are feeling. In fact I was reminded just the other day,
when someone was sharing a bit of their life story with me, just how easy it is
for me to literally take on the pain of others.
It’s not even something I really need to think about; I just
instinctively pick up on the emotions of others and before I know it, I am
feeling how they feel (which is why I can walk in a room completely happy and
then sense the stress or depression or struggle of someone else in it and all of a
sudden start feeling less okay…. It’s also why I get overwhelmed by large
groups and parties; there’s just too much emotion in on place and there is only
so much I can take it before it takes me over).
The thing is, while
I’m starting to see how God can use this to help me connect better with people
and minister more effectively (I can’t tell you the amount of times people just
open themselves up to me even though they don’t even really know me), I
definitely still struggle with it. I get
why the world wouldn’t understand and why they would see this side of me as a
character flaw…..it’s hard to understand something that you haven’t experienced
yourself (although that’s not a reason not to try). And while I wish that nobody ever had to
notice this side of me, deep down I know that would only make things worse.
So what do you do
when you struggle with something that is so a part of you that it actually
shapes the kind of person you are?! I guess, you start trying to see the good
sides of it. Instead of denying it, you
learn to embrace it. And you stop
allowing the opinions of others to matter so much but instead you look to God
and ask Him how to teach you to properly use this gift He’s given you! At least
that’s what I think God is saying to me.
It seems that He’s trying to show me how to stop complaining about it and
instead to see the purpose behind it.
And I think in the end, that will
make all the difference!
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