Living a life on mission has it's perks. I mean, what other job involves spending your days hanging out with people and investing in their lives. I get to spend moment after moment in conversation over coffee and tea. I get invited over to peoples houses for lunch and dinner. I am even offered free food and gifts of thanksgiving from friends and neighbors. It's actually pretty amazing.
But there's also the downside to this life....things that don't make it so easy. There's a responsibility that comes with it that forces you to carry other peoples burdens and walk in their pain. There's a daily moment (and usually more than just one) when you have to die to yourself and your own comfort in order to swim in the messy ocean of humanity. And there's the constant realization that people are watching your every move and judging you by every word you preach. Sometimes it just seems easier to go back to normal.
The thing is....I'm not sure I'll ever really be able to go back to normal. I was trying to explain this to some friends the other day, because the Big question already being asked is what will I do when my "commitment" is up...as if this life I am living really has a deadline (sure the agency does but if I'm here for them I've truly missed the point). I think normal might be ruined for me though and I'm not sure that I'll ever feel comfortable going back to it.
When I was younger I wrote a letter to my future self and in it I said something like when I grow up I want to go to a top college, have a brilliant carrer, get married, have kids and settle down. There's nothing wrong with any of that...in fact I still want some of those things. But that life, which is pretty normal, just doesn't seem fulfilling to me anymore. In that life I am living for my own comfort and joy..and while that's good for me, what about everyone else?! If my life is only about me then really what's the point?! (to be honest I could be quite content with a bag of chips, a sofa and Netflix everyday....but is that really living?!?). God promises us "Abundant Life" and that's not found in any of those things listed above!
I'm not doing a very good job of explaining this...I didn't do a very good job the other day either....but I feel like in a sense I've been unhooked from the Matrix and I've realized that there's got to be more to this life. I don't have it all figured out yet. It seems I only get glimpses here and there as I walk out this journey....but I can see there's something more....God's got better for me and for all of us. We...I....just have to let go of normal and I think I am ready to do just that!.
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